“You’ll do no such thing,” Annie said. “You’ll drive us to a drugstore so Bernie can get a Valentine’s card and a box of candy. And then we’ll all go in and make sure things run smoothly between Bernie and Betty.”
Annie had good intentions, but I was starting to think she came from the Planet Ick!
“I heard that,” Diesel said to me.
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“Did not.”
“Did so.”
“It was a thought!”
“And?”
“It’s almost noon,” I said to Annie and Diesel. “You can drop me off at my apartment on your way to Bernie’s house in Hamilton Township. I need to check on Bob and get my car. Then I have to see if Lula needs a ride to get her Fire-bird out of impound. And I want to see how Jeanine and Charlene and Larry Burlew are doing. And last but not least, here’s my plan for Kloughn and my sister. I thought I’d tell them I was getting married, and I needed them to be witnesses. I’ll tell my parents and my grandmother the same thing. Then everyone will congregate at my parents’ house. We’ll get a justice of the peace to show up, and at the last minute we’ll swap me out for Valerie and Albert Kloughn. I’m afraid if I don’t fib to them someone will leak to Kloughn, and he’ll be on a plane to Buenos Aires.”
“Brilliant,” Annie said. “I can facilitate the justice of the peace and the paperwork. I have very good connections for that sort of thing.”
Diesel looked down at me. “Who’s going to be the bogus groom?”
“It’s going to have to be you. You’re all I’ve got today.”
“Do I get a conjugal night?”
“Afraid not,” I told him.
“We’ll see,” Diesel said.
“We have a lot to accomplish,” Annie said. “We should get moving. We can take my car. We won’t all fit in Diesel’s Corvette.”
I called Valerie as soon as I got back to my apartment. “I’m getting married this afternoon,” I said to her. “I want you and Albert to be my witnesses.”
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